Captain’s Log, 2025.07
I moved out.
I did it. It is done. What, why—whatever. It is both a return to the past, and a new beginning.
“I am waiting for you, Vizzini. You told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am, and this is where I’ll stay. I will not be moved. When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it’s the beginning, and I’m staying till Vizzini comes.” —Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
The new apartment is lovely. It is just big enough for myself and Esme. It is a corner unit with high ceilings and tall windows all around, letting in lots of natural light and wonderful breezes. My friends live right around the corner, we can run back and forth like kids out from school. It is perhaps a weird eclectic mix of leftovers and hand-me-downs and a quick run to IKEA, a college apartment with extra nostalgia, but it feels comfortable. It feels like relief.
So far no one has complained about the drum set. :grimace:
I accepted the burnout.
I don’t actually know how long I’ve been swimming against the tide on this one, but the tide has definitely won. I have no focus at all, and all of my energy could leave me at any moment. I nap often, sometimes more than once a day. I am loving the novelty of all the new experiences, and I definitely have enthusiasm to start being creative again. But I’m trying to be smart about it and learn from (the plethora of) past mistakes (so many mistakes). As I ease off the throttle the headaches and the tempers also subside, and again relief. So, for now, we rest.
I started rethinking my tech stack (and everything else).
Maybe I don’t have the brain to be Making right now, and maybe I don’t know when that will change, but I do know that I do not feel good about the tools I’ve been using, nor the ecosystems in which I’m expected to use them. Between shoving LLMs into every crevice and the fascistic ass kissing everything these corporations touch feels poisoned to me. And not just the tech stack, but everything. Browsing the web and toying around with new tools is something that I do have the energy for, so this is something I can do something about.
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I started test driving Neovim. Visual Studio Code is one of the worst offenders, and is possibly going to be the hardest one to completely replace. When I searched around for alternatives, Neovim was the most often suggested. I admit I was skeptical: I hadn’t used Vi since college! But I was surprised at how quickly the muscle memory came back, and even more surprised when I almost immediately started littering my text notes in other programs with “i” and “x” and “dd” and “:q!”. It’s still early days and I’m muddling my way through the documentation and Practical Vim, but it looks promising?
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I started learning Rust. C# had been my go-to for years. I liked the language, it ran everywhere, and the tooling was solid. It’s even mostly open source! But as I mentioned, Microsoft creeps me out (again, just like the old days) and, I have to admit, I have a soft spot for C and working close to the metal that has stuck with me since the early days. Rust feels like the replacement I might have been waiting for. I love working in a systems programming language again. I am challenged by the new memory usage conventions and lifecycle management. I appreciate the thought that went into the tooling and diagnostics. Again, early days but it seems promising.
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I cancelled my JetBrains Rider subscription. If I’m moving to Neovim and Rust then I won’t be using Rider any longer. This is one I actually feel a little badly about, as I quite enjoyed working with Rider and JetBrains seems to be an okay company. But I dunno, I just don’t fully trust closed source right now. If I change my mind RustRover is right there. Will see how it goes.
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I installed Linux Mint on Sherman, a 2012 27" iMac rescued from the basement of the Old Place. It’s long since been end-of-lifed by Apple, but Mint runs smooth and surprisingly snappy for such old hardware. It has a mechanical hard drive! All of my core tools (Obsidian, Signal, 1Password) have native versions which work well. Neovim and Rust of course work well. If this goes well and I’m able to do my pay-the-bills work then I’ll look at rolling out Linux across my other devices as well (an M1 MacBook Pro, a home-built gaming computer). Right now it feels like a nice upgrade, recommended.
I had some fun too.
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Saw the F1 movie with friends. After all the hype and in-your-face nonsense from Apple there was no way it could live up to the billing. It was fun? As someone who watches a lot of F1 I mostly just enjoyed seeing all the real teams and people. I think Cassandra might be coming around on watching the races with me. :fingers_crossed:
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Finished Andor S2. That was good. I might need to go watch Rogue One again now.
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Took a day trip to Ocean City, NJ. Beach, sand, sun, and boardwalk fries yum.
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Played Brotato. So much Brotato. This has become our go-to couch co-op party game, and pretty much all we play when we get together.
Insights & Advice
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Show up, shut up, do the thing. Sometimes this is the only way.
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The cup is already broken. I have two coffee cups left from an entire 8-piece place setting I had originally purchsaed 20+ years ago. Two lone survivors of family and kids and multiple moves. When I mentioned this to Cassandra, and how I was worried that I would break them in the move, she reminded me that the cups are already broken. As I see my things, and myself, in this new place and from this new perspective, it is good to appreciate them here, now.